Porter Belly's vs. Breakfast Club

The Porter Belly's Arch Softball team beat the 3rd Place Breakfast Club 21-5 by 'Mercy Rule' last night and some would say it was turning point to their season. Earlier in the day, Team Manager, President of Day to Day Operations and 'singles hitting 3 Hole hitter' John Morgan issued a rule that if you popped out to the infield you had to shotgun a beer. This was to attempt to get his guys to focus on hitting line drives and 'Cuervo's' (medium to hard grounders) up the middle. "We were all clearly trying to hit home runs during the first 8 games and that's not our game," said JM.

Well it worked — in the first inning after we were already up 3-0, slugger and third basemen Josh Gould came to the plate after a weekend bender deep in the forest of Maine and popped out to his fellow third basemen. "I just didn't expect it from him. Porter Yes, Mckenna Yes, even Morgan but not Gould," said Jon Lucas, who went 1-3 with a walk last night.

The team was hitting to all fields and scoring a minimum 3 runs per inning with a 7 run outburst in the top of the 4th, when a resurgent Matt Denman hit a grand slam to deep right. "It really seems as though he is more comfortable at the plate now and with the team. He had his issues with performance enhancing drugs back in the early 2000's when it was rampant and normal for a player to take PED's in the Arch Softball League, but now he is back to his normal self and that is good to see," said Erik Porter, who went 1-2 with a walk. The team had 3 walks, a record for a game for the team.

"We're patient at the plate with the new rule, that's obvious," SS Matt Brown said.

That grand slam was followed by a 3 run home run by catcher Josh Vogel, who looks like he is gliding around the bases with the tennis shoes on. "We are a second half team," pitcher Jon Segal said afterwards. He is right; at this point last year, the team was 4-3 and finished 10-4 and went to the Championship game. The team is now a 1/2 game out of 4th place and faces their arch nemesis next week at 9pm under the lights to move into 3rd place.

On to the numbers

• We are 2-0 when Cuch tells the Team he is out 60 minutes before the game starts.
• We are 2-3 when Gill Plays.
• We are 2-0 when Gould homers.
• We are 4-5 when Eric Mangan doesn't play but I think he is back next week!
• We are 2-2 since Brian Mirek almost lost Index Finger.
• We are 1-0 when Gould Shotguns a beer.
• We are 1-0 when Denman does the 'Constanza Photo Shoot' while catching/dropping a ball in rf!
• We are 1-0 since Lebron made his Decision.
• We are undefeated since July 4th.
• We are 1-0 when the team has more than 2 walks.
• We are 2-0 when "Cuervo Hoodini Play" is pulled off. How do those players fall for it???

Have a great week!

Porter Belly's vs. the Bullets

The Porter Belly's Arch Softball team won a brilliant game 7-3 over the Bullets to improve their record to 3-3, exactly where they were last year before starting their run to the BWS (Brighton World Series). "I really wish I was there to share in that victory," said injured and somewhat beleaguered RF Brian Mirek who is still on the DL with 5 stitches in his ring finger.

The game got off to a tremendous start when John Morgan, 3-hole hitter, President of Day-to-Day Operations and Team Manager came to the plate with Brown on third and Mckenna on second. He drilled a liner to the RF gap scoring both runners. "Listen, I was in an early season Arch Softball slump the first two games, but now it is over and I am looking forward to the role," said Morgan.

Notably missing from this report is anything about Gill as he missed another game with what's being called "a Team Violation". And it has nothing to do with him being Mets fan.

The big blast of the evening came from slugger and third baseman Josh Gould, who crushed one to deep left field scoring Lucas (2-4). "I really didn't think he was going to send me home, I had gotten drilled by the third baseman on the calf in the 3rd inning and the swelling never subsided and JM sent me home anyway," said a somewhat pissed Gould who was tagged out at home after an amazing throw by the Bullets shortstop. The matter was discussed at the end of the inning and resolved.

Anyways, Cuervo gave up one earned run last night to lower his league-leading ERA to Bob Gibson-esqe 4.57. "I just throw it up and let my stellar defense behind me do their jobs - did you see the plays out in LF? How about at first with the 'Big Puma' snagging balls with the glove?"

Brilliant all around, said Jon Segal, who attended the game while his son Max was sick at home and went 3-4 at the plate.

On to the numbers

• We are 1-0 when Big Puma plays first base.
• We are 2-1 when Gill does not show up.
• We are 1-2 when Gill does show up.
• We are 1-0 when we have 9 players.
• We are 1-0 when Brown does not score from second base when he CLEARLY SHOULD HAVE.
• We are 1-0 since Mirek got stitches.
• We are 1-0 when Slugger Josh Gould calls Team Manager "old".

Next week's game is Monday night at 9pm against WHT at Murray field. See you there!

Porter Belly's vs. the Cave Dwellars

Even the strong scent of Drakor Noir Cologne emanating from Cuch's body last night before the game had started did not cause any of the Porter Belly's team to be mystified by their arch rivals, the Dreaded Dwellahs. Cuch's manly romantic scent lead the team to a Dominant 23-15 victory over the team which has eliminated Porter Belly's three years in a row in the Brighton Arch Softball World Series.

"Were you on a date or something Cuch?" asked Gill.

"No, just wanted to try something new before this game. This team and the former three-hole hitter has been stinking up the joint," replied Cuch. It worked for Cuch, along with the switch in the lineup (not withstanding the first AB by Porter in which he struck out swinging and will be bring a 36-pack of Heineken's next week) with Porter going to the three hole and Team President, Manager, and Head of day to day operations John Morgan went to the five hole. JM snapped out of an early funk with an "Absolutely Stellar" four-for-five and with A JACK to deep right center field (who cares if they played in!), three RBI's and four runs scored (all on slugger Josh Gould hits, so you do the math on his RBI's total).

"The team responded tonight not so much to that pungent smell from Cuch's upper body, but to losing to that team, which has to stop," pitcher Jon Segal said afterwards. Segal was throwing shut out ball for the first three innings (which is almost a record) before giving up some runs.

"Tonight's game truly is not about me," said Matt Brown, who went four-for-six at the plate (also HAS to bring his batting glove out with him into the field while fielding SS). "It's about Cuch and him being the table setter with a tremendous night at the plate."

Cuch not only smelled "delightful" (Ump said) but went four-for-five from the plate, three of those hits with two outs to start rally's which lead to, I KID YOU NOT, 14 runs. Wear it next week Cuch!

On to the numbers

• We are 1-0 when Gill runs the bases like Howard the Duck.
• We are 2-0 when Gill plays.
• We are 0-1 when Gill does not play.
• We are 1-0 when Cuch wears Drakor noir.
• We have never lost when Cuch wears cologne.
• We are 1-0 when Lucas and JM score 8 runs(might have to mix up the lineup again next week).
• We are 1-0 when the ump stands behind Cuch smelling him "I was wondering why were getting all those calls", Mckenna.
• We are 1-0 when we play at 9pm.
• Which means, we are 1-0 when Eric and Mirek do not play at 9pm.
• We are 1-0 when Porter(new 3 hole hitter) strikes out in first at bat.
• We are 1-0 when Denman bails on team to watch the "Devil wears Prada".

Next week's game is Monday night at 7:30 against Wolf at Hogan's run field. See you there!

Opening Day victory for Porter Belly's over Cameron!

The Porter Belly's Arch Softball team beat Cameron 13-10 on a windy Opening Day.

The team was lead by the pitching of Jon Segal (latest Daddy) who gave up 10 runs over 7 innings to stretch his Opening Day winning streak to 4 games(might be a record or something). "It's not as easy as you think, not 'throwing balls' for over 7 months and then to just loft strikes over the plate in one night, but I got it done", Jon Segal said after the game.

Offensively, the team was lead by soon-to-be-married Matt Brown who went 4 for 5 with 3 runs scored and Erik Porter who went 4 for 4 with hustle around the bases reminiscent of Jerry Remy of the early 80's. But the key hit was in the bottom of the 6th when slugger Josh Gould came to the plate and demolished an 0-1 pitch deep over the left center fielder's head for a 3-run homer which gave Bellies a lead that they would not relinquish. "I used to hit like that", said Matt Denman.

The team then turned an outstanding game ending double play where Gill (starting for Vogel at 2B due to what he called "Traffic from NH", an issue to be resolved by Team Manager, possible 12 hole hitter, and President of Day to Day Operations, and let's not forget 0 for 4 last night, John Morgan) snagged a ball up the middle, flipped it to Brown who one-handed it and then tossed it comfortably to Porter at first. Ridiculous play! Yes, the two slowest runners were in fact running, but let's not overlook the fact that Porter's stretch at first made Jonny Weir excited!

On to the numbers

• 1-0 When Vogel flips over his head running to first base
• 1-0 When Brian Mirek catches
• 1-0 When Mirek snags two balls launch Mckenna and Gill from the OF to tag out runners at home "They are scared of our arms" Brian Mirek
• 1-0 When 3 hole hitter goes 0'Fer!
• 1-0 When Mckenna guns down a runner from deep left to Mirek "Was that Lucas out there?, no that was mckennna", Matt Brown
• 1-0 When Team President buys Baseball Bats for Softball which we could not use. Brilliant.
• 1-0 When gill tells us he cannot play the following week.
• 1-0 When Keith Mangan tells us Pound Town is more important than the team.
• 1-0 When during the calendar year in which Matt Brown is to be Married.

See you guys next week!

2009 Softball season | 2008 Softball season